Don't Forget to Test on Two Year Old Males

You know Evan?

The escape artist?

He did it again.

Not as sever this time because I was awake. I was responsible. I was prepared. He was determined. I was putting my make-up on, which is a rare event because of my fear of leaving him alone for 30 seconds. I was going to a place where there were other women so it was a necessity. Especially since I still have the skin condition of a 15-year-old male who never washes his face. But, that is another story.

I heard him put on his shoes. He likes his shoes, a lot, because they are new, and they have lights. It was no big deal that he put them on. He does it frequently. I was getting ready to take him to story time, something this poor little deprived seventh child has done only once before in his life, and he knew we were leaving soon. He put his shoes on to go with mommy, or so I thought. The next thing I know, two minutes after I heard him running around, there was silence. I looked down the stairs and saw the front door open with a chair in front of it.

Now, if you remember, I am paranoid about him getting out. We have all kinds of locks. Three on the front door alone to be precise. We have an alarm also, but haven't used it lately because we had the lock he COULD NOT OPEN! Oops, my bad! It is a sassy latch thingy. I can hardly get it open, and they are outlawed in some states because the fire department has a hard time getting past them in the event of an emergency. Obviously, they were not tested out on 2-year-old male children. Every safety feature should be locked in a room with five 2-year-old males for twenty minutes to see if it is actually a safety device.

Evan is safe, and the police didn't visit me today. Fortunately, I caught him before he got out of the driveway. Of course I am sick about the whole thing. It is trash day AGAIN just like last time which causes my mind to wonder about all the things that could have happened with large trash trucks in the area.

As of today we are back to the alarm, back to the paranoia, back to only putting makeup on when he is chained to the toilet next to me.