You have made it through so much in life. This is just another hill you have to climb, and you will reach the top. I promise. You always do. You always persevere. It is OK to grieve over lost dreams and time that flies, but then you have to get up and make the most of this life you have been given. Stop trying to figure out how you got where you are and rejoice in where you are. You are not alone, you are not abandoned. Steve isn't going anywhere, and even if and when your children do stray away from you, they know where to find you. You have been in the same place their whole life, and you will continue to be there because that is who you are. So, go to sleep in your husband's arms and rest. Tomorrow is a new day.