Monday, October 04, 2010

Afraid, Helpless, and Then...Always...Grace

I was reading a new book this morning. There was a scene in the book where the daughter came home feeling completely used up and worthless and afraid of being rejected. The father picked her up and held her in his lap on the floor while weeping. I get that. For some reason I get that. Is it because I know what it feels like to be the one who is afraid of being rejected by people I love or by God at times? Is it because I know what it feels like to hold one of my precious children in my lap when they are broken beyond anything that I can fix? To feel helpless. Is it because I know what it actually feels like to be picked up by my God and held on his lap when I don't deserve to be there but am given grace beyond measure? All of it. I feel all of that. So, I sat there and cried over all of it.

Then in the story, just when she felt safe, people started judging her and throwing her away, passing judgements on her actions despite not having a clue what it was like to walk her path. Oh, now that I get. Rejected. Trying. Never good enough. Stained. Damaged. People wiping out their KJ versions to tell me how bad and doomed I am even though I knew that it wasn't me that had gotten off the path heading toward Jesus. I had a massive scarlet D on my chest for so long. I still have secret scarlet letters. I claw at them. They sting at times. Most of the time I give myself grace, but there are times when I am reminded of my flaws. That is such an easy road to go down, isn't it?

But then, THEN I remember who bought me with his life, the price that was paid to remove those scarlet letters. I can't keep sowing them back on. I can breath again knowing that when it is all said and done at the end of each day, he accepts me, he treasures me, he adores me. I was created in his image. I am blessed beyond measure. I was known before I was formed in my mother's womb. A plan for my life was set in motion before I took my first breath. I am free. I am forgiven. I am his. I feel the weight of the world lift from my shoulders knowing he is my God and I am his daughter. A big sigh just escaped me. Oh how glad I am for the reminder.

But, I do not want to be one of those people above. I know I have been at times. I use to be so judgemental of people, and truthfully, despite every effort I give, I am sure I fail at times in this area. I know I do. Yuk. I don't want to lecture. I don't want to give answers to questions that have never been asked. I don't want to pass someone by just because I think they are beyond repair. Because as I have learned in my life, no one is beyond repair. I am walking proof of that truth.

I am covered by his GRACE.

3 comments:

Angela said...

Oh i loved this Shellie! I so relate to you. I, too have felt that whole scarlet letter thing. Its been so hard. Nobody really knows unless, well..they REALLY know. But so true. We are covered by His amazing grace. LOVED THIS. Oh, and curious about this book. I wanna read it (and cry over it) :)Tell me what it is.

Shellie said...

Of course it is Francine Rivers...my very favorite ever! Her Daughter's Dream. You can borrow it when I am done.

Mumsey said...

Must read that one too.
God is so Good, He will never leave us or forsake us