Freak

This whole episode with Evan has turned me into a paranoid freak. It has taken me almost 48 hours to somewhat snap out of this feeling of dread and complete failure. Isn't it weird that you can succeed at many things, but one thing goes wrong and you feel like a failure as a parent. In eighteen years I have never had anything like this happen to one of my kids. Until Evan. Until now. I just have to keep refocusing telling myself he is safe, and we fixed the problem three times over so he can't do it again. But, I still find it hard to sleep. So, I write away as he sleeps, and in a couple of hours I will hold him and thank God that he is safe.

It is truly amazing how many stories I have heard in the last two days about two year olds escaping from their safe surroundings. Only two year olds! An older couple in line at Lowes, friends, strangers. I am not alone in my experience, but it still scared five years off my life.